she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
