Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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