so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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