Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
