I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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