HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
