dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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