those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
