I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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