Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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