she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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