then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
