Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
