okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
