it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
