I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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