my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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