After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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