I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
be right there i have to get my cape
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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