Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
