The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
