I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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