now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
