I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
