My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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