wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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