beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
