brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
