I want to make a zoo with you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize