Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
