you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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