Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
