Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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