The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
