Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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