Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
