I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
