The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
