Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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