I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
