Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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