i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
