I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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