Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
