she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
