I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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