i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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