We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
