please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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