we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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