So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
