Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
