y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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