I wish you could order shots online.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
