drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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