Pappa wants mamma naked
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
