u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
