Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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