you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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