'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
