His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
