I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
