He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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