She announced her abortion via fbk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
