i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
