I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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