I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
