I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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