I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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