is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm always down for nudity.
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