I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize