3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
