If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
