there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
