I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
