It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
