Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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