Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize