He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
