3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
