Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
