He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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